Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
