Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ok first of all what the fuck
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize