I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
