I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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