I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
