Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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