I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
