If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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