So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
