What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
