I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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