When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
