I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
bring money and cleavage
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
