my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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