I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
