I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
