its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You took a bar mat shot.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
