I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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