yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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