I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
