Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
