i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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