sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
