hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it penis luge time yet?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
