We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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