If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You made out with two different species that night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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