1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
