We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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