Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
