He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
