And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
