how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
