So drunk its hurt
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
