You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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