Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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