Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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