oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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