I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
