My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
