i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
