dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
