your room smells of hookers.
And success
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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