You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sarcasm needs its own font
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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