I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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