omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
