i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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