so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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