God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
