my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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