remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
