That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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