the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
