woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
