a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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