...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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