Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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