Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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