Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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