I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Terrible idea I love it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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