So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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