Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
