when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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