Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
