I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
