I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
