OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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