wrigley field is MILF paradise
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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