His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize