Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
