woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
