Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
