I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
