When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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