The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize