I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
