so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
