u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
