i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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