I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
