Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
