She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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