I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
