I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
