I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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