I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
