I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
