why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
bring money and cleavage
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
