Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
