I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
