He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So much rum. So many feels.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
