The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
