Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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