I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
