Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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