I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
