Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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