6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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