He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
