K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I love having hate sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
