I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
