Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
