the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
