just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize