i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
PANTIES FOUND
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