there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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